


Asparagus

by TheseusInTheMaze



Series: Asparagus [1]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caretaking, Divorce, Frotting, Infidelity, Male Alpha - Freeform, Male Omega, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Multi, Vomit, consent talk, object insertation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 16:00:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10834572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Dan knew how Omegas were expected to act. He didn't agree with any of it. Nobody knew he was an Omega, so there weren't any of those expectations.





	Asparagus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NeonDreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonDreams/gifts).



> Many thanks to my dear Angel_Ascending for helping me with editing! Love you tons, darling! <3

Dan's first heat came to him on the old side of young.

Sort of.

He was sixteen, and it hit him like a metaphorical truck, complete with the laying on the ground and twitching. 

Things were different in those days - male Omegas were... not looked on too fondly. 

(Female Alphas weren't either, but it was a bit different - his mother was a female Alpha, and she'd take on anyone who tried anything.)

But people were suspicious, and he didn't want to... well, deal with anything, so once all the bullshit of the heat had cleared up (and he'd done all the laundry), Dan was determined to be an Alpha.

He almost considered one of those special operations, to get certain... parts out, but those were expensive, and he was a bit too afraid of some of the things that might go with it, like permanent impotence, or incontinence.

So he went through his adult life taking pills and keeping out of trouble. He claimed he was an Alpha, but a very hands off one.

A few of the women he slept with probably suspected, but that wasn't important. 

What was important was that shit had gotten better for Omegas, and also that nobody thought that he was an Omega. 

It was almost pathological at this point.

* * *

Brian was the first one to figure it out.

Or maybe not the first one to figure it out, but definitely the first one to say anything. 

It was the fucking... traveling they did. 

And he had to go looking to borrow a bit of Dan's cologne. 

What he found instead was, well....

"Do you have a glandular disorder?" Brian stood in the doorway to the bathroom, holding up a familiar bottle.

"What?" Dan was dozing on the bed, and he jerked upright when he saw the two bottles that Brian was holding. "Dude! Were you going through my bag? That is seriously not cool."

His heart was going to beat out of his chest.

Brian was an Alpha, and okay, so he had a wife, but still - things were gonna go badly. He was... he was going to make them change the act, he was going to stop respecting Dan, Brian remembered what it was like lo those thirty years ago, he was -

"Dan," Brian said carefully, calmly, "breathe."

"I'm breathing," Dan snapped. 

"You're hyperventilating," said Brian. 

He set down the two bottles - Dan's suppressants, and the fake Alpha hormones that Dan wore like a cologne - and he sat on the bed next to Dan. 

"It's my own business what I do with my own air," Dan said, and he tried to sit up.

Tried being the operative word.

He flopped back down. 

"Dan," Brian said, and he was sitting far enough away that Dan would have to reach out to touch him, "I don't care if you're an Omega. There's nothing shameful about being an Omega."

"That's easy for you to say," Dan said, and goddamn it, he was starting to cry. 

Brian shrugged.

"I won't tell anyone," he told Dan.

"You promise?" Dan hated how much his voice was trembling - how pathetic he sounded. 

"I promise."

* * * 

So life went on.

And then Dan met this great guy, who was in the middle of his own emotional bullshit, although Dan didn't pry too much.

But Arin had moved out of his old place, and he was living in an apartment, and recording episodes of the weird web show that he was doing at the office at odd hours in order to avoid certain people, and he needed a new collaborator, since his old one had gone off to who even knew where.

So that was the story of how Dan and Arin ended up working together. 

* * * 

Arin assumed that Dan was an Alpha - everyone did, what with the whole Danny Sexbang thing. 

Dan wasn't going to complain too hard - he was decent at pretending, after all. 

It just got... awkward sometimes. Especially when it was late at night.

"I just... do you believe in that... mating forever bullshit, and how pheromones make people choose each other?" 

Arin's eyes were red, and he was staring very pointedly at the television. 

This possibly had something to do with the announcement that was pinned on the fridge in the other room. 

The one that said "It's a boy!" and had little blue beetles painted along the edges of it. 

Arin had been more... testy than usual. 

"I mean, I've never had it happen to me," Dan said, cautious. 

"Well, yeah, you're like, Danny Sexbang. The Alpha's Alpha." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dan gave Arin a side eye. 

"You don't want to, like, settle down or anything. You just wanna roam around and stick your dick in anything."

"I'm a bit insulted," Dan said, although he was starting to laugh. "There's more to it than that, ya know!" 

"Oh yeah?" Arin was grinning sidelong at Dan, although his eyes were still red and his jaw was still clenched. "I bet... I bet you could teach me. Teach me your ways in genuine fucksluttery." 

"I'm not a fuckslut!" Dan said, indignant. He shoved Arin in the side.

Arin shoved him back.

Dan let himself be pushed onto his side, and he kept laughing. 

They were close now - pretty damn close.

Close enough that he was almost comfortable telling Arin about the whole... Omega thing.

Well, almost that close.

Okay, not really. 

Arin seemed a bit... soured on Omegas at the moment.

Maybe it was the fact that his (now ex) wife had gotten together with his buddy, claiming that it was all about hormones or something like that. 

Dan had received all of this information in bits and pieces, but he could understand Arin's bitterness.

Somewhat.

He'd been dumped a few times, but, well... he'd never been that committed to someone before. 

"So, uh... you said you played this game as a kid," said Dan, trying to change the subject. "Could you tell me about it?"

Arin gave him a Look, but he accepted the subject change.

"My dad got me this game, when I was, like... ten, I think...."

Dan relaxed into the couch, letting the talk wash over him, cackling or making sympathetic noises at the right moments.

He loved to hear Arin talk, and it was nice to know that he could redirect him without too much trouble. 

* * *

"Hey man," said Arin, a few hours later, "I'm, uh... I'm sorry about... about all of that."

"What, that ten minute impression of Yoda losing his virginity?" Dan stood in the kitchen, not looking at the birth announcement, eating a bowl of cocoa puffs.

"Nah, just... getting bitter." Arin sighed, a deep sigh that forced its way out of his lungs in a way that was almost violent. "I've just been kinda... you know, since Barry brought that in." He indicated the cheery little card, pinned to the fridge with a magnet. 

Dan nodded. 

"You know the fucked up part?" Arin covered his face with one of his big hands. "She's... like... she's happy. She was happy with me, but she's also happy with him, and part of me wonders if... if she ever loved me, or if she was just waiting for someone like him to come along. Someone who was... I dunno, more of an Alpha than me, or more nurturing, or... something."

There were tears tracking down Arin's face, catching in his beard, and his shoulders were shaking.

Dan put down his cocoa puffs, and before he could think about it, he was wrapping his arms around Arin, his hand on the back of Arin's head, letting the other man sob into his shirt collar.

"Sometimes this shit just happens," Dan said, in what he hoped was an understanding tone of voice. He rubbed Arin's back cautiously. 

He didn't usually let people this close - especially after all the Alpha pheromones had worn off of him, this late in the evening. 

"I loved her," Arin wailed, and okay, ow, loud. "I still love her! That's what's fucked up about it!"

"You've been with her since you were like, sixteen," Dan said, trying to keep his voice soothing. He wasn't good at this shit. "That's almost half your life. Of course you still love her."

Arin stepped back, and he was wiping his eyes.

"I must come off as a really shitty Alpha," Arin mumbled, and he wiped his eyes again. "Crying like this over an Omega."

"Alphas are supposed to be devoted to their Omegas," Dan said, and then he felt like a monster, because Arin's whole face dropped. "No, but, like, listen. We're people, before anything. Before any of the Alpha or Omega thing, we're all just people, and people feel shit. She was your wife, man. You're allowed to feel shit. As long as you don't get all... I dunno, roaring rampage of revenge or anything." 

"What, get a machine gun?"

"Something like that."

"I like Barry too much," Arin said, and then he laughed, and it was a gross, snotty laugh. "That's the fucked up bit, isn't it?" 

"What do you mean?" Dan dug a tissue out of the pocket of his jacket and handed it to Arin.

Arin blew his nose loudly. 

"Like... I can't fire them, because... well, she's just had a baby, and he's my friend and a good editor. A good guy to work with."

Dan nodded.

"I mean, fuck, she's good at what she does, she gets the channel revenue, they've been... really nice about it." Arin wiped his eyes, then made a face - the tissue was obviously still waterlogged. "Sorry, I must sound like some kinda fuckin' idiot."

"Nah," said Dan. "You sound like someone who's wife broke up with him, married someone else in record time, and then had a baby six months later."

Arin laughed hollowly. 

"Funny, that," said Arin.

He looked at Dan, with his red ringed eyes, and he gave a smile that was... savage.

"Let's get drunk."

"What?!” 

"Drunk. Let's get drunk. Let's you and me go to a liquor store and drink." Arin was laughing now, really laughing. "C'mon man, I fuckin'... if ever I had a right to get drunk, it's now. My wife just had another man's baby, and they both work for me!"

"She's not your wife anymore," Dan said carefully, because... that laughter was putting him on edge.

"She was my Omega," Arin said, and then he was laughing harder, laughing so hard that tears were dripping down his face, and oh no, Dan had seen this kinda thing before. 

He aimed Arin at the sink, before the vomiting started, and he held Arin's hair out of his face, rubbing his back, as Arin sobbed and heaved, emptying his stomach through his mouth and through his nose. 

He sagged against Dan, and Dan held him, his chin on Arin's shoulder.

"It'll get better," Dan said, although he didn't know for sure if it would. "It'll get better."

Arin sighed, full body, and he rested all of his weight on Dan, and okay, no, that was fuckin' heavy, and Dan wasn't gonna be able to hold him up much longer.

"Can I stay at your place tonight?" Arin's voice cracked, rough from throwing up, rough from all the crying. "I can't... I can't sleep by myself tonight. I'm afraid of going to the empty apartment."

"... alright," said Dan, against his better judgement. 

He hadn't cleaned stuff up lately. He didn't always wear his pheromones when he was home, and he knew that sometimes... well, sometimes he smelled like an Omega.

Hopefully Arin wouldn't notice. 

* * *

Arin slept on Dan's couch.

He slept curled up in a ball, sans pants, a blanket pulled over him. He clutched at a pillow like he was drowning, and he murmured and shifted in his sleep. 

Dan left the radio on for him, and went to bed.

* * * 

Dan dreamed.

He dreamed of kissing Arin, licking the tears off of his face, cradling Arin's face in his own big hands, of kissing him and kissing him and kissing him, until they couldn't breathe, until he couldn't think.

He woke up with an erection and a tear damp pillow.

And he groaned.

He did not have it in him to have another crush. He just... didn't. 

He sighed, and he flipped the pillow over, and went back to sleep. 

* * *

Arin was his usual cheery self - if anything, he was better than he had been since Dan had met him, and that was a relief, in a weird way.

Arin was a lovely guy, but he was prone to fits of bitterness.

... a very lovely guy, truth be told, but... Dan wasn't going to focus on the way Arin's eyelashes curved over his cheek, wasn't going to focus on how broad Arin's shoulders were, how long and surprisingly delicate Arin's blunt fingers were.

... he was not doing this. 

Dan cleared his throat, and he smiled at Arin, as Arin cracked eggs and cracked jokes.

* * * 

"Thanks for letting me crash," Arin said, and he leaned back in his seat. "I've, uh... I haven't really... lost it in front of anyone. It felt weird to talk about it with Ross and Holly, since they're buddies with Suzy and Barry, and I mean, I'm kinda... burnt out on being around Alpha/Omega couples right now, you know?"

Dan nodded. 

"So... I guess it'll be us. Two Alpha dudes, being buddies." Arin paused, and then he looked down at his plate of scrambled eggs and burst out laughing. "Holy fuck, man, I sound like the opening of some kinda of... Alphasploitation porno or something."

"Alphasploitation is a thing? I thought it was all Omegasploitation." 

"Nah man, it's a thing." Arin leaned back in his chair, planted his feet, spread his legs, and put on a fake porno type voice.

"Oh, Alpha, yes,give me your big knot, tie with me, yes, yes, yesssss!"

... and now Dan had a boner. 

Lovely.

"You watch too much porn, bro," Dan told Arin, scooting his chair a little closer to the table. 

"What else am I supposed to do?" Arin sighed, and he took a bigger bite of eggs. 

"I dunno. Get a new hobby. Write a great American novel. Finally beat a game at one hundred percent?"

"Wouldn't those all fall under the hobby umbrella?" Arin raised an eyebrow at Dan, comically serious.l

Dan shrugged. 

"I dunno the rules for this shit, man. I started singing and going to football games, what else do I need to do for fun?"

"Getting that hot Omega puss," Arin said, and then he burst out laughing, seemingly shocked with himself. "Holy shit man, I can, like, go to bars and hit on chicks!"

"Yeah," said Dan. "Although that doesn't really seem like your scene." 

"Why not? Are you saying I'm not sexy?" Arin struck a pose, flexing.

"You're plenty sexy," Dan said, and oh fuck, that was really true, why was he thinking about that? "But you don't drink, and you, uh... you don't have the best flirting abilities."

"I flirt wonderfully."

Dan raised an eyebrow.

"Pretend you're a girl," Arin said. 

"What?"

"A girl. Pretend you're a girl."

"Not pretend I'm an Omega girl?"

Arin shrugged.

"I might be a bit done with Omegas. For, like, ever."

That... ouch. 

Okay, yeah, that hurt.

Although it wasn't like he could tell Arin. Especially not now. 

"So you're a girl," Arin supplied.

Dan sighed. 

"I'm a girl. I'm a girl, sitting here at a bar, drinking my drink." Dan took a slug of his orange juice to demonstrate.

"So, uh, come here often?" Arin waggled his eyebrows.

"Not really," Dan said flatly. "All these rude guys keep hitting on me when I'm trying to get a nice drink by myself before I go home to my ruggedly handsome boyfriend."

Arin snickered, then burst out laughing.

"No way would someone say that to me," he said, his tone jokingly accusatory. 

"You don't have any practice with flirting," Dan said. 

"I totally do," Arin said. "I'll prove it." 

"How are you gonna prove it, exactly?" Dan raised an eyebrow.

Why were they talking about this? Why wasn't Dan nipping this in the bud?

"You're very pretty," Arin said, and he was using his low, seductive voice.

He moved closer to Dan, pulling Dan's chair out with a screech, getting close enough that their knees were touching. He was close enough that Dan could smell him, and it smelled... he smelled deep, musky, rich, like really fancy chocolate, or old leather.

Dan was beginning to shake, ever so slightly.

Suppressants were all well and good, but, well... some things were a bit instinctive.

He wanted to kiss Arin.

He wanted to kiss Arin so badly that it was like pain, it was like that moment before an orgasm, when everything is about to cascade downwards.

"I believe you," Dan said weakly, and he was pressing down on his own mouth with his fingers, to prevent himself from doing or saying anything stupid, to prevent himself from reaching out, from kissing Dan himself. 

"You changed your tune pretty quickly," Arin said, and his voice was back to normal.

He sat back in his chair, and he was laughing, back to his usual goofy self.

Dan licked his lips, and he shifted his position, in an attempt to hide his erection.

"Well," said Dan, his voice a bit rough, "you haven't showered yet, so it might do you a bit of good to, uh... to shower."

Arin sniffed under one arm, and he made a face.

"I guess I do smell kinda gross, huh?"

"Yeah," said Dan. "You smell pretty strong."

"... can I possibly borrow a shirt?" Arin looked embarrassed. "I think I sweat through this one last night."

"Yeah, sure," said Dan, and he got up, walking a bit funny, but making it to his bedroom without any issue. 

He tossed Arin a Rush shirt he'd bought ages ago, that was two sizes too big, and then he flopped onto his bed, as Arin got into the shower. 

He’d never been with an Alpha. 

What would it be like to… be intimate with an Alpha?

… wait, back up. Was he really going down that particular track?

He’d never been with a guy, let alone an Alpha guy. 

Dan groaned, flopping onto his back and pulling his pillow over his face.

This was fucking ridiculous. 

His cock didn’t seem to think it was that ridiculous. 

He stared down the long line of his body, between his legs, and he glared at the bulge in his pajama pants.

“Traitor,” he told his penis.

It didn’t say anything.

Thankfully. He’d probably start to worry if it actually said something. 

But it throbbed up at him like a bad tooth, and he… well, theoretically he had a bit of time, right? 

It couldn’t hurt to have a little bit of fun, before Arin got out of the shower. 

That was what he told himself, at any rate, as he slid his hand down into his pants and squeezed his swelling cock. 

* * * 

Dan was halfway to orgasm when the shower stopped. 

Was he going to take the chance? 

He was… oh, that felt good, that long stroke from the root to the tip, then his palm across the very tip, as his other hand kept pumping, and he was getting wetter, he was biting his lips to keep from making any desperate little noises, as he threw his head back and humped into his hand.

“Dude, I’m really sorry, but I think I used up all of your - ohshitsorry.”

Arin had opened the door, seen what Dan was doing, and shut the door really quickly. 

Goddamn it.

Dan shoved his dick back into his pants, and tried to think of unsexy thoughts.

Tried not to think of Arin climbing onto the bed with him, of Arin pushing him onto his back and taking over, of Arin’s mouth on his cock, of Arin’s ass around it….

Dan’s cock twitched and throbbed, and Dan groaned, sat up, and made his way out of the room. 

He was leading with a rager, but it would have been weirder if he had finished up, or left it to go down. 

Arin was sitting at the table, fully dressed, and he looked… amused. Not offended, not grossed out, just really, really amused.

“So you really found me that sexy, huh?” 

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled, and he slumped on the chair next to Arin. “It’s not like that.”

“I get it, man,” said Arin. “You’re used to being by yourself all the time, you get into, like, habits.”

“I’d say you have a similar problem,” Dan said, and he prodded Arin with his foot. “Someone seemed to have forgotten how to knock on a door.”

“I’m sorry, man,” Arin held both hands up. “Forgive me?”

“Always,” said Dan, with a surprising amount of warmth.

… oh fuck. 

“So, uh, ready to go to work?”

“I haven’t showered yet, dipshit,” said Dan, indicating his own pajamas. 

“Alright, alright,” said Arin, looking sheepish. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all good,” said Dan, and he made his way towards the bathroom.

* * * 

He jerked off in the shower, hunched over like a gargoyle as he pulled his cock like he was trying to start a lawnmower, until he was cumming across his fingers, across his feet. He sagged against the wall, and he tried not to think about the images that had been going through his head.

Arin had cut the blond streak out of his hair right after Dan had met him, but Dan had still imagined that wrapped around his hand. 

* * * 

They arrived back at the office with minimal fuss, although Arin stopped short when he heard a familiar laugh from the main room.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

 

“She is allowed to come here,” Dan said gently.

“We had a schedule,” Arin said, and he was grinding his teeth. 

“I know,” Dan said, and he put a hand on Arin’s shoulder, squeezing it. “C’mon. You can do it. We’ll… we’ll do a session, we can camp out, okay?”

“Okay.” Arin sighed, and he looked at Dan sidelong, sheepish. “Some Alpha I am, huh?”

Dan shrugged.

“There’s no way to be an Alpha,” said Dan, “apart from, you know, being an Alpha.”

“That’s not fair,” Arin protested.

“What do you mean, it’s not fair?”

“You’re Danny fuckin’ Sexbang,” Arin said, as they walked into the main room. “You’re, like, the most Alpha Alpha that ever Alphaed.”

Dan shrugged. 

“It’s all in the attitude,” he told Arin. 

“Bullshit,” said Arin. “I can smell the hormones on you.”

“Well, yeah, okay, but like… you can buy hormones,” Dan said, before he could think that this was the wrong thing to say. “To give yourself the extra edge.”

“... I may try that,” Arin said, and he went to the fridge to get a bowl of grapes. 

He was ignoring Suzy, and the cooing bundle in the sling on her chest. 

She wasn’t helping by walking up to him.

“I’m really sorry,” she told Arin, and she was avoiding his eyes, keeping her eyes on the baby, adjusting him. “Our computer back home crashed, and I need to finish this editing before tonight. I’ll be out as soon as I can.”

Arin cleared his throat, and he looked at her face, schooling his expression to be as flat as possibly. 

“It’s fine,” he said, and he sounded… well, monotonic, but not angry. “This stuff comes up. Do you… do you need anything?”

“No,” said Suzy. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

She reached out to squeeze his arm, and Arin pulled his hand back.

“I’ve got an episode to do,” Arin said. 

“Right,” said Suzy. 

She looked miserable. 

Dan didn’t know her that well, but… his heart ached for her.

For both of them. 

“He’s… he’s looking good,” Arin said, indicating the baby.

“Thanks.” Suzy gave a genuine smile. “He’s getting big.”

“Like his dad,” Arin said, and there was something rough and complicated in his voice, something that Dan didn’t want to prod. 

“Yeah,” said Suzy. “Would you, um… would you want to come to dinner some time?”

 

Arin took a step back, and he looked at her.

“Suze…,” said Arin, and he looked at her like his heart was breaking, “I’m… not ready.”

“Right,” Suzy said, and she cleared her throat. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Arin said, and then he was going straight for the recording room.

The door slammed shut, and the baby started to cry.

Suzy sighed, and she began to jiggle him, kissing the top of his head. 

“It’s… it’s more complicated than it looks,” Suzy said. “Me and him, I mean.”

“I believe you,” Dan said. 

Wow, this was awkward.

“I… I still love him,” Suzy said, as the baby quieted down. “It’s just… I need… I mean.” She sighed, a long huff of air. “Why am I explaining this to you?”

“I’ve got that kind of face,” Dan said, still awkward. 

“You’ve got a nice face,” Suzy said, and then she laughed, then covered her mouth.

She wasn’t wearing any makeup, and she looked very tired. 

She also looked happy, in that baffled, terrified way that you get with new parents sometimes. 

“Thanks,” Dan said, and he cleared his throat. 

“Are you guys… together?” Suzy cleared her throat.

“What? No, I’m not gay,” said Dan. “I mean, uh, I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I’m not sure why you would think that, but then -” 

“He’s wearing your shirt,” said Suzy. “Don’t think too hard about it.” She yawned, and she rubbed the baby’s back as he shifted against her. “I’ll be gone in an hour. Can you tell… can you tell Arin thanks? For being so understanding.”

“I will,” Dan said.

“You’re good for him,” Suzy said. “I can tell. He looks happier.”

Dan nodded, still awkward.

You… really couldn’t win in situations like this.

Sometimes the only solution leaves everyone kind of unhappy. 

The best you can do is work through it. 

* * * 

“You ready for some Donkey Kong?”

“It’s fucking on.”

“Like -”

“If you finish that sentence Dan, I will fucking pile drive you.”

“I didn’t know you were a wrestling fan.”

 

“I’m not. The sheer stupidity of that was enough for me magically learn all of the stupid wrestling moves.”

“What, all of them?”

“All of them.”

* * * 

They played all day, until at least two in the morning. 

Arin left the room twice, to use the bathroom, and Dan slipped out a few more times, to get refills on drinks, to get food.

When he was slipping out at about five in the evening, Suzy was trying to get her coat on, while still holding the baby. 

There was some complicated fiddling going on, and the baby was fussing.

“Do you need help?”

Dan might have been a bit… torn on the whole mess, but he wasn’t heartless.

“Do you need help?” He was repeating himself, but he wasn’t sure what else to say. He was always awkward in these kinds of situations.

As if he was in these situations that often.

“Aren’t you and Arin busy?”

“I’m making tea,” Dan said, indicating the tea kettle. “Can I help?”

“Just… hold him for a second,” said Suzy, and she handed Dan the bundle of baby.

“Oh,” said Dan, and he was staring into a pair of dazed blue eyes, flailing hands and drooling mouth. 

He avoided babies.

The whole stereotype of Omegas being perfect with babies had always chased him, just a bit - his parents expected him to be good with his nephews on instinct, a few of his childhood friends who had figured it out had teased him about it.

But now he was staring at a baby, who was wriggling in his arms.

He wasn’t particularly… moved, the way they said all Omegas end up apparently feeling, but he wasn’t… well, upset or weirded out or anything else.

He just held the baby, as Suzy put on her coat. 

Then the kettle whistled, and Suzy took the baby back, and she kissed Dan on the cheek.

“Be good to him,” Suzy told him. “He needs it.”

Dan nodded, not entirely sure he understood.

“Say bye, Jeremy.” She dandled the baby, and then they were both out the door. 

* * * 

“That took a while,” Arin said. 

“Yeah, I didn’t put enough water in the kettle, so I had to refill it,” said Dan, which wasn’t strictly true.

Arin stood up, stretching. His back and his knees made noises like a bowl of rice krispies, and he glanced sidelong at Dan. 

“I’m okay with you talking to Suzy,” Arin said, awkward. “I know… I know that me and Suzy are not… in a good place, exactly, but she’s not a bad woman.” He flopped back on the couch, like a puppet whose strings had been cut. “I’m… I think I’m gonna be sad about it all for a long time. But that doesn’t mean she’s a bad person.” He shrugged helplessly. “If I met my… perfect Omega counterpart, maybe I’d drop her like a hot potato.”

“I doubt it,” said Dan, and he flopped down next to Arin.

“Why?”

“Well, for one, you’ve seen pretty misanthropic in regards to Omegas,” Dan said, trying to keep his tone light, trying to keep anxiety out of his voice.

“Oh, that?” Arin made a vague flapping motion with his hand. “No, that’s just… my brain being an asshole.” He covered his face with both hands. “I wouldn’t hate someone for being Omega. That’d be, like, the most douchebag thing ever.”

“Yeah,” Dan said slowly. 

He wanted to tell Arin.

What the hell?

“Have you ever been into a guy?” Dan burst out. 

“I’ve been interested,” Arin said slowly. “But the opportunity didn’t really present itself.”

“Look at it this way,” Dan said, “now you’ve got a chance to explore your weird gay feelings, or your weird straight feelings, or whatever.” 

“Wouldn’t they be weird bisexual feelings?” Arin sounded contemplative, and he looked tired. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean, like, since I’d be having weird gay feelings and weird straight feelings, that’d make them weird bisexual feelings. ‘Cause that’d make me, like, bisexuall.”

“Fair enough,” Dan said. 

“I guess maybe I’m bisexual,” Arin said, still looking thoughtful. 

“You’ve never thought of that before?”

“I mean, I had it all set out,” Arin said, and he sounded… a bit less pained. “Like… I was married to the love of my life, I was gonna get her pregnant, we’d have kids, run our weird geek/taxidermy empire, and be happy.”

Dan put a cautious hand on Arin’s shoulder. 

“I… I had plans for my life too,” he said, awkward. “Not as concrete as yours, but things… didn’t entirely go the way they were expected to.”

Arin wiped his nose - he looked like he was about to start crying. 

He looked over at Dan with his big brown eyes, and he reached out a hand, to cup Dan’s cheek.

“Hey, Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“I… like, really want to kiss you right now.”

“... yeah?”

“Yeah. I know you’re the straightest dude that ever straighted, but could I maybe just… try this?”

“I need you to not kiss me just because you want to prove you’re straight,” Dan said slowly, carefully. “Because I’ve kinda… I might have some gay feelings for you”.”

“... what?” Arin looked genuinely baffled.

“I have some gay feelings for you!” Dan blurted out. “Or maybe bisexual feelings? I don’t fuckin’ know.” He took a deep breath. In for a penny, in for a pound. “I don’t wanna, like, ruin our friendship or our partnership, I like all of the shit we’re doing, and I don’t want there to be, like, weird feelings just because we do something impulsive when feelings are high.”

“... oh,” said Arin, and he sat back. “I… really wasn’t expecting that.” 

“Sorry,” said Dan. “I had to make it awkward.”

“Yeah, Dan,” Arin said, completely deadpan. “You’re totally making it weird when you're recently divorced, bitter buddy sprung the idea of making out just to see if either of you has gay feelings. You’re totally the one who made it awkward.”

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled, and then he started to laugh.

The laughter bubbled out of him like champagne, and he was laughing so hard that he was almost falling off of the couch, and Arin had to grab him by the wrist to keep him from full on tipping off. 

It tingled where Arin touched it. 

“I mean, um… I know it’d be a bad idea to try to start a relationship with someone else I work with,” Arin said, “let alone when I’m still kinda on the rebound from all of this.” 

“Yeah,” Dan said, although he hated himself a bit.

He wanted to kiss Arin.

He wanted Arin to be okay.

He sighed gustily, and leaned back into the couch. 

“You know,” Arin said, “I think… I think I’m okay with you having gay feelings with me. With… with the kissing stuff.” He sighed again. “I don’t think I’m ready for another, like, intense relationship. I… I’d like to kiss you. Maybe a hot blowie, or a handy, or something. Some buttfuckery between friends, now and then.”

“Buttfuckery,” Dan said, his voice flat. 

“Okay, so no buttfuckery. But, like….” Arin waggled his eyebrows. “I’d like to see your knot.”

Dan blushed, looked to the side.

Welp. 

It had come to this.

“Do you still want to kiss me?”

“Yeah,” Arin said, and he blushed, looking to the side as well now. “I mean, I’ve kinda wanted to kiss you since I saw you?”

“What, really?”

No way.

Arin was good looking, and more importantly, Arin had been in the depths of being divorced. 

Dan had helped him christen the new apartment, playing games and singing loudly in each room. Arin had burst out crying in the middle of the bedroom, and drunk about five glasses of water afterwards. 

“Yeah,” said Arin, and he laughed, a little unsteadily. “In the middle of, like, “Oh, we would have had amazing babies” and “I’m never gonna be able to play with her boobs again” and “I want to sleep next to her one last time” you walk in, and you were so… you know, good looking, and I thought that I wanted to kiss you.” 

Arin was blushing. 

“I’m… I’m really touched,” Dan said, and he sighed. 

Fuck it.

Fuck it all.

He was going to have to tell Arin that he was an Omega. 

But… it was going to be awkward. 

It would probably kill this whatever it was while it was still in the seed, but… well, Dan would have some nice memories of butterflies to hold on to.

“There’s… there’s one more thing you need to know,” Dan said, he licked his lips. “Before anything.”

“Can I kiss you first?” Arin sounded so desperate. “I haven’t… I haven’t kissed anyone. In almost a year. Since Suzy left.”

A little piece of Dan’s heart broke.

“Yeah,” said Dan. “Yeah, you can kiss me.” 

Arin cupped Dan’s cheek, and he leaned in, his forehead against Dan’s. He breathed Dan’s breath, and there were a few tears tracking down his face.

Dan thumbed them, Arin’s beard rough against his hand.

He wasn’t used to the sensation of hair on a face like this, but he could get used to it. 

Maybe, after all of this blew over, he’d go looking for a boyfriend or something.

Hopefully Arin would still be his friend. 

Dan wasn’t sure what he’d do if he lost that.

Arin was an excellent friend. 

* * * 

Arin kissed him.

It was a brush of lips on lips, and then Arin was pressing closer to Dan, almost straddling Dan’s lap, and he was kissing Dan harder, with his mouth, with his teeth, with his lips and his tongue.

It was the kind of deep kissing that they show in the movies.

It was kind of awkward - they bumped teeth a few times, and Dan kinda settled for letting Arin more or less jam his tongue in, because there was a frenzied desperation to him that was almost scary.

He pulled back, panting, and he pressed his forehead against Dan’s, panting heavily.

“Fuck, Dan,” Arin all but sobbed. “Dan, give me your knot.”

“What?!” 

“Please,” Arin begged, and there was a needy whine buried in it. “Gimme your knot, give me what she could never give me, give me something you can give me!”

There was panic bubbling up Dan’s throat.

It was like a rat, clawing along the soft skin of his throat, rancid and furry as it tried to get past his teeth, to scurry into the air.

“I don’t have a knot,” Dan said, and the panic escaped. He could almost taste the fur. 

“What do you mean, you don’t have a knot?” Arin looked confused, and he was still panting, his face dripping with sweat.

“I don’t have a knot. I’m not… I’m not an Alpha.”

“What do you mean, you’re not an Alpha?” 

“I’m not. I’m an Omega.”

“You can’t be an Omega,” Arin said, and he was blinking. He looked… confused. Almost betrayed.

“I mean, I’ve been saying that for a while,” Dan said, and he was laughing, clearly nervous. “My whole life. Hasn’t changed much, unfortunately.”

“But… you can’t,” Arin said. “We were… we were gonna be Alpha bros.”

“We can still be bros,” Dan said. “I mean, whether I have a knot in my cock has nothing to do with anything.”

“Are you sure you weren’t just… angling to get an Alpha?” Arin was pulling back, and he was… he was snarling, his lips drawn back. It sounded like he was going to start growling.

Fucking really?!

“Don’t come at me with that shit,” Dan snapped, and shit, now he was getting angry.

“Why didn’t you tell me from the get go, huh?”

“How the fuck does that come up in a conversation? “Hi, I’m Dan, by the way, I don’t have a knot in my cock, so what’s your favorite video game?”” 

“You let me kiss you!”

“I was going to tell you!”

“So why didn’t you?”

“Because I wanted to kiss you!”

“So you lied to me so that I would kiss you?” 

Yeah, Arin was growling. 

“No, I didn’t lie to you,” Dan snapped. “I should’ve told you sooner. I’m sorry. But I was afraid you’d have a fucked up reaction like this.”

“It’s not my fault I just got my heart broken! I just don’t trust -”

“Don’t you dare say you don’t trust Omegas,” Dan said, and he was surging up onto his feet. “Your marriage ended, and it sucks. Maybe you guys were mates, or whatever, but her leaving you had nothing to do with her being an Omega.”

“How the fuck would you know that?” 

“Because I’ve had my fucking heart broken,” Dan bellowed. 

Holy shit, he was shouting.

“I’ve had my heart broken,” Dan said again. “I’ve been broken up with, I’ve been dumped, by Omegas, by Alphas. Sometimes that shit happens, and it sucks, and I’m sorry, and in some other universe you guys are off having perfect little babies, but it didn’t happen in this universe, and it’s not the fault of all Alphas or all Omegas, your specific relationship just got fucked up! If you go through the rest of your life with a chip on your shoulder because an Omega broke up with you, you’re gonna be… you’re gonna be miserable, and it’ll suck, but I am not putting up with you making assumptions about me or my fucking intentions just because I happen to have a different hormone balance than you.” 

Dan was panting, after his speech, and then he just… turned on his heel and he left.

Maybe he was crying.

He wasn’t sure why he was crying. 

He wasn’t, like, in love with Arin. 

He cared about him, sure, but… not full on in love with cared about him.

Maybe it was all of those years, dealing with all of those stereotypes.

Dan had dealt with a lot of Alphas with chips on their shoulders - he’d met just as many Omegas with those selfsame chips, truth be told. 

He just thought that Arin, who was sweet and kind and funny, would be above all that. 

Which was one of the many reasons that he was a fucking idiot. 

* * * 

Dan might have cried in the car.

Maybe. 

He wasn’t gonna tell anyone.

* * * 

He got home, and he flopped onto his couch. He didn’t look at his phone, he didn’t do anything else, just lay on the couch with his eyes closed.

He was still angry - the rage was a ball of hot lead, right under his collarbone, and if he wasn’t careful, he would lose control and shout a lot at nothing, which usually alarmed the neighbors.

So he closed his eyes, and he counted his breaths, until the rage was gone, and his mind was quiet.

He fell asleep on the couch, still wearing his pants, still wearing shoes, and he slept well.

The metaphorical shoe had dropped.

He’d deal with whatever fallout there was going to be in the morning. 

But for now, he lay in the quiet darkness of his own apartment, and he listened to his own breath, as he drifted in and out of sleep.

* * * 

Dan was woken up by a knocking at his door. 

He had no idea what time it was, but there was light behind his curtains, and he could hear the birds chirping. 

Arin was standing in the doorway of Dan’s apartment, holding a box of doughnuts and wearing a sheepish expression. 

His eyes were red.

“I’m a cunt,” Arin said bluntly. 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Dan said, still groggy from sleep. 

“I was a cunt to you,” Arin corrected himself. “And I’m sorry.”

“Are these doughnuts a token of you being sorry?”

“They’re all chocolate,” said Arin. 

“I guess I’ll have to let you in for chocolate doughnuts,” Dan said, and he took a step back, letting Arin in.

Arin even made sure that the door closed behind him quietly. 

Arin set the doughnuts down on the kitchen table, and he sat down, carefully. 

“I was a jerk,” Arin said, as Dan poured them both glasses of water.

His heart was beating too fast.

“You were,” Dan said, in an agreeable tone of voice.

“I’ve been a jerk,” said Arin. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” said Dan. “I mean, it’s not okay to be a jerk. But I forgive you. I’ve… I’ve never gone through what you’ve been going through, but I know it makes you stupid.”

“Can you tell me when I’m being stupid, in the future?”

“If you won’t shout at me.”

“I won’t ever shout at you. At least, I won’t shout at you when I’m mad at you.”

“I can live with that,” said Dan, and he took a bite out of a doughnut.

“Are we… are we okay?” Arin licked his lips. “I mean, like… I want to keep kissing you.” He sighed, and he was clearly frustrated. “The Omega thing kinda threw me for a loop.”

“Why?” Dan took another bite of his doughnut. 

“Because you’re not supposed to just, like… screw around with Omegas. Or at least, that’s not the kind of person I want to be.”

Dan nodded, slowly. 

“But, like, I’m really not ready for even thinking about seriously settling down, or having kids, or anything, and from what I was raised with, that’s what you do with an Omega.” Arin sighed gustily. “Me and Suze… we were, like, planning all of our lives, pretty much since we were teenagers.”

Dan nodded slowly. 

He got it. 

It was, truth be told, one of the main reasons he didn’t really pursue Alphas. He didn’t want a forever soul bond, or whatever new “mating” term was floating around this month. 

“And since I thought you were an Alpha, I figured that, like, we could just be… fun. Casual. It wouldn’t be all soulbonds.” 

“I don’t want a soulbond,” Dan said, and then he wrinkled his nose. Wow, that was a dumb expression. “I want… I mean, I want my friend. I’d like… I mean, I do like kissing you. The two times I’ve kissed you, I’ve enjoyed it. If you wanted to keep kissing, maybe doing more than that, I’d be okay with it.”

“So no pressure?”

“No pressure.”

“Can I kiss you again?” 

There was… there was something naked and vulnerable in Arin’s face.

Dan leaned forward, and he pecked Arin on the mouth. 

Arin made a surprised noise, as Dan sat back.

Dan was shaking. 

He’d just done that. 

Holy shit. 

“So… are we okay?”

“We’re okay.”

Dan even meant it. Things were gonna be weird and awkward, and for all he knew, he was just a rebound guy.

But fuck it. For all he knew, Arin was his first dude crush, before he moved on to the metaphorical greener pastures.

But he’d worry about that later.

“Can we keep kissing?” Arin gave him another one of those desperate looks.

“We can keep kissing,” Dan said. 

“Okay,” said Arin, and he relaxed back into his chair. “I’m… I’m cool with that.”

“Good to know.”

* * * 

And so it went. 

They kissed.

They even got better at kissing, making out late at night on the Grump couch. Dan began to learn the faces that Arin made when he was in pleasure, learn exactly what an aroused Alpha smelled like.

Dan took his heat suppressants, he played games. 

Suzy and Arin were… getting on better. They had a conversation where Arin wasn’t grinding his teeth the whole time. 

One night, about a month after the chocolate doughnuts, Arin glanced sidelong at Dan.

“Um.”

“Real articulate,” Dan teased. 

“I know we said we weren’t gonna do, like, intense stuff,” Arin began, “but, um.”

“Do you want to… like, have sex?”

There had been some dick groping through pants, and Arin had cum in his pants while straddling Dan at least once (Dan had humped himself into orgasm against Arin’s thigh, so they were more or less on equal terms), but things had been going slow.

He was nervous.

Arin was nervous. 

Neither of them wanted to jump feet first into something so strange.

“I was thinking maybe we could maybe… go to dinner,” said Arin. “On Friday night.”

“What, like a date?”

“... yeah,” said Arin. “But not, like, a high stakes date. Like an OKCupid date.”

“Didn’t you go on an OKCupid date?”

“I do not want to talk about that,” Arin mumbled. 

Dan chuckled. 

“Fair enough.” 

“But yeah,” said Arin, and he was beginning to talk faster, the way he always did when he was nervous. “We could, uh, we could go to dinner, maybe grab some ice cream or something, go to your place, make out on your couch, maybe… hot blowies or something?”

“... sounds good,” Dan said, and he was blushing. “I have a doctor’s appointment first, though. Do you want me to, like, wear anything special?”

“Nah,” said Arin quickly. “It’s casual. I could pick you up from the doctors?”

“You sure that isn’t too… something?”

“I’d do it for you regardless if I was gonna put my mouth on your totally hot shlong,” said Arin. “That’s a friend thing to do.”

“Don’t call it a schlong,” Dan said, in a long suffering voice.

“Your tube steak. Your meat stick. Your baloney pony.”

Dan groaned, and he covered his face with both hands. 

“You know, saying shit like that is just gonna ensure that I’m never letting you near it, right?”

“A thousand pardons, Excalibur,” Arin said, and Dan could tell that Arin was talking to the crotch of his jeans.

“Oh my god, Arin,” Dan said, and he was laughing as he pulled Arin closer to him, as he kissed Arin.

* * * 

Dan sat on the doctor’s table in just his underwear, the paper sticking to his thin thighs. 

There was a bandaid on the inside of his left elbow, and he was staring at the eye chart, wondering vaguely if he was going to have to get new glasses soon.

The doctor came in - an older woman, who looked to be about his mother’s age.

“I’ve got some bad news for you,” she told him. 

Dan’s heart plummeted into his throat.

“You need to stop your heat suppressants.” 

“What?” Dan blinked at her. 

At least it wasn’t cancer?

This was pretty fucking bad, though. 

He had his life under control.

He hadn’t had to deal with a heat since he was, like, eighteen. It had been almost twenty years at this point! 

“They’re building up in your stomach,” she said. “You’re going to end up with a bezoar at this rate.”

“Don’t those come out of sheep?” 

He was gibbering inside.

He couldn’t take another heat. 

Not when stuff with Arin was finally working out. 

He had gone in for stomach trouble, they’d palpated his belly, and then they’d taken his blood, and now… now he was going to have to face that humiliation, all over again.

He wasn’t going to start crying. 

He wasn’t. 

“It’s beginning to put stress on your heart as well,” the doctor said, and she was sympathetic. “I know it’s hard, but you’re going to have to endure a few heats, before you can go back to taking them.”

“But I can go back?”

“I want to put you on a new one,” the doctor said. “But we need to flush all of this one out of your system first.” She ruffled through her clipboard, writing something down. “This will help the pill remnants in your stomach break down. Make sure to drink plenty of water as well, to flush the hormones out of your system.”

“But… what if I go into heat?”

“It’s not an if, Dan,” said the doctor. “I’m sorry, but you’re just going to have to.”

“But -”

“You will have to have surgery to remove the mass of pills from your stomach,” the doctor said bluntly. “And you will probably have a heart attack before you turn forty.”

“... oh.”

“I know it’s scary,” the doctor said, and she patted his shoulder. “But you can do it.”

“... right,” said Dan, and he sighed, trying to wrap his head around it. 

He didn’t start shaking until the doctor walked out the door.

* * * 

“Dude, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you look like shit,” said Arin. 

“Gee, thanks,” mumbled Dan. He leaned back into the seat of the car, covering his face with both hands.

“What’s wrong?” Arin put a hand on his knee, his expression concerned. “Is it anything… serious?”

“I have to go into heat,” Dan said flatly.

“What?”

“I can’t take suppressants for at least three months,” Dan said. “I’m gonna go into heat at least once.”

“Well, I mean, that’ll suck,” Arin said, “but it’s not the end of the world, right?”

“I thought you didn’t want to get involved in any of this Omega bullshit,” Dan said, still covering his face.

“I’m not gonna be a douche just because your body is being a jerk,” said Arin, and he sounded genuinely insulted. “Dude! I thought you knew me better than that!”

“Yeah, I did,” Dan said, and he uncovered his face, squeezing the hand on his knee. “I’m sorry. I’m just… I haven’t had a heat since I was eighteen.”

“So you’re freaked out?”

“Yeah. And, like….” Dan made vague hand motions. “The doctor said I shouldn’t be alone, since it’s been so long. But I don’t really know anyone else I’d be comfortable with being around me while I’m in heat. But I also don’t want the first time we have sex to be because we’re hormone driven beasts or whatever.”

“Dan,” Arin said, slowly and carefully, “you do realize we don’t have to have sex if I’m around while you’re in heat, right?”

“Well, I mean, wouldn’t it be torment?”

“Any time I’m around you and I can’t have sex with you is pure torment,” said Arin, and his voice was so deadpan it came back around to being goofy. 

“It feels like it wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be fair to ask you to go through all of that by yourself,” said Arin. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“... if you’re absolutely sure,” Dan said, cautious.

“Of course I am,” said Arin. “Can you tell me what you’d need?”

“Well,” said Dan, as Arin started the car, “usually….” 

* * * 

They had dinner.

They went to a diner, and they shared a plate of fries, and they made bad jokes, and Dan commented on the football that was playing over the bar. 

And everything was… normal. 

Like Dan wasn’t going to have to go into heat, like he wasn’t going to humiliate himself, like everything was going to be okay. 

Dan could, if nothing else, appreciate the effort.

* * *

Dan's heat came two weeks later.

He woke up with shaking hands, an empty yearning, and soaking wet sheets. 

... this would explain all the belly cramping he'd had the night before, although those pills that the doctor had given him to break down the mass in his gut had been doing fun and interesting things to his insides. 

But still.

Even after all these years, he still remembered it. 

With a trembling hand, he grabbed for his phone, popped it open, and called Arin.

"Hello?" Arin sounded half awake.

"Hey, so, uh, my heat kinda came on," said Dan. 

"Shit, I'm sorry," said Arin, and that helped, in a weird way. 

Not "oh yeah!" or "finally!", but actual sympathy. 

"Thanks," said Dan. "So, uh, do you want to come over after work maybe?"

"When do you need me?"

"... I should be good for a little while," Dan said, not knowing if that was true or not. 

"Well, I've got to do some drawing stuff, but when I finish, I'll come right over, okay?"

"Sure," said Dan.

There was a pause, and Dan was about to hang up, when Arin cleared his throat.

"Do you, uh... do you... do you have any favorite foods?" Arin laughed, and he sounded anxious. "Suzy used to - I mean, she probably still does... soup. I’d bring her soup, and chicken and dumplings."

"Soup is nice," said Dan. "Italian wedding soup."

"That's random," Arin said, and he laughed, but he didn't sound angry. "I'll bring you some right away, okay?"

"Finish your work stuff first," Dan said quickly. "I don't want you to get behind because of me."

Arin snickered, and Dan rolled his eyes.

"I'll talk to you later, babe," said Arin. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will."

* * * 

Dan jerked off like a fiend. 

He didn't have any dildos, he barely had lube.

Not that he needed any lube, with all the slick that was dripping down his thighs.

He ended up shoving the handle of his hairbrush up himself, which was... kind of uncomfortable, but it it gave him the fullness he was craving so badly, and he jerked his cock like he was in a competition. 

He'd cum six times before Arin called to say that he was on his way, and he still wasn't satisfied.

Fucking heats. 

To top it all off, he'd need a new hairbrush.

* * * 

Dan shoved all of his sheets (and pajamas) into the washing machine, then jumped into the shower himself.

He answered the door wrapped in a kimono, and he smiled nervously at Arin, his hair still dripping down his back.

"Hi," said Dan, standing in the doorway.

"Hi," said Arin. "Can I come in?"

"What? Oh! Right!" Dan took a step back, and he was blushing as he let Arin in.

Arin was carrying a grocery bag, with a blanket over his shoulder.

He looked a little sheepish, but he was grinning. 

"How about, uh... how about you put on some real clothes, I'll make you soup, and we can watch some Game of Thrones or something?"

"That sounds nice," Dan said. Then he paused. "Please don't take this personally, but, um... can I trust you not to... you know, be overcome with some kind of Alpha... whatever and... you know?"

Arin put the grocery bag on the kitchen table. 

"I'm not gonna fuck you when you're in heat," said Arin. He was speaking very carefully. "I might... you know, if it gets to be too much I might jerk off in your bathroom, or take a cold shower. I mean, if that's okay?"

"Yeah, that's okay," said Dan.

"But I won't fuck you. I promise."

"Well, at least not now."

Arin turned red, but he nodded.

"Right. Not until we can have a talk about it, and when you're not desperate for some sweet Alpha dick."

"I'm not desperate for sweet Alpha dick," Dan said defensively, but he was beginning to laugh. 

"Go put on clothes," said Arin. "I can see your balls."

"How can you see my balls? I'm wearing a - oh." 

The kimono had opened up. 

Dan was so overheated he hadn't really noticed.

Dan hastily closed the kimono, and he was blushing.

Arin grinned at him, half shy, half cheeky.

"I dunno why you're so worried about stereotypes," he told Dan. "You've got a bigger dick than any Alpha I've ever seen."

"What, really? Do you just go around examining Alpha dicks or something?"

"Well, okay, no, but I end up seeing them anyway, since I'm in, like, lockers rooms and stuff."

"Were... were all your D-club buddies Alphas?"

"A few of 'em where, yeah." Arin was blushing a bit. "Nobody ever got to the point, of, like, popping their knot during the D-club."

"Well, yeah, I feel like then it'd be more of a circle jerk," Dan said, and then he trailed off. "I'm gonna go put on clothes and make my bed up before I stick my foot any further down my mouth."

"Do you have a rubber sheet?"

"Do I look like a bed wetter?"

"Well, I mean...." Arin looked uncomfortable. "That was what Suzy used to use. When she went into heat."

"Oh. I never thought of that." 

"Do you want me to go out and get you one?"

"Let me at least give you some money for it first," said Dan, and he shoved his hand into his wallet, giving Arin forty dollars. 

"Um." Arin cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. "You can also get, um... like... you know."

Dan looked at him, confused.

"Like... pads, or diapers, or whatever the fuck they are. So you don't get... you know, slick, all over everything."

"... you're suggesting I wear pads," Dan said, deadpan.

He'd seen them advertised, but he'd never connected them to himself.

"Well, uh, not to make too fine a point of it, but you're, um... you're leaking." Arin's nostrils were flaring, and he was beginning to pant.

"Oh. Um, sorry."

"Like I'm gonna be pissed because your body is doing shit," Arin said, and he rolled his eyes. He leaned forward and pressed a nervous kiss to the top of Dan's head. "I'll be right back."

"Thanks, man," said Dan.

The gratitude flooding his voice was real - he might have drowned in it.

Was that part of being in heat? Excessive emotion?

This was all bullshit and he hated it.

With a groan, Dan went back into the shower, tossing his kimono in the wash on the way there.

* * *

Arin came back, with more bags.

"The clerk at the drugstore had to get the only California King rubber sheet they had," said Arin, as the two of them made the bed. 

Dan was wearing clothes again, and the pad pressed up against his butt was... soggy and unpleasant, but at least his pajama pants were staying dry. 

"I'm sorry," Dan said, and meant it. 

"Don't be," said Arin, making a dismissive hand gesture. "It's, um... it's...." He sighed gustily. "It's nice to take care of someone again," he said. "And I've got experience with this shit."

"I thought when an Omega went into heat, their Alpha just fucked them until they were knocked up," said Dan, his mouth faster than his brain.

Shit. 

"Nah," said Arin, and he was rolling with the punches as he put the regular sheet on top of the rubber sheet. "I mean, like, sometimes it's all fun sex? But a lot of it is just like when you're sick. You make your partner soup and do a lot of laundry." 

"Is the sex any good?"

"The sex is... intense." Arin put a pillow on the bed, then spread out the top sheet with Dan. "But... yeah." 

"I'm sorry I'm not comfortable with having sex right now," said Dan, aware of how awkward that sounded, guilty nonetheless.

"Dude, don't worry about it," said Arin quickly. "You don't ever have to apologize for not wanting to have sex, okay?"

"Okay."

"Wanna go watch a movie now?"

"That sounds awesome."

* * *

Dan didn't wear a shirt.

He sat on the couch, and ate soup, his skin too hot for his body, his whole body aching for... something, that he didn't entirely understand. 

He cuddled up to Arin, and he listened to Arin's heartbeat, letting himself drift in and out of sleep. 

* * *

Arin disappeared after a few hours, and when he got back, he looked exhausted.

"You okay, man?" Dan yawned, and he made a face.

He couldn't sweat, so all he did was overheat and overheat, until you could practically boil an egg on his skin.

He was woken up when Arin gently unseated him.

Now Arin... Arin was sweating. 

And he smelled... he smelled so good.

Dan tried to nestle closer, but Arin was standing up, walking a little funny.

"You alright?" Dan tried to make his brain work, beyond "Arin smells nice" and "I want Arin to fuck me."

"Yeah," Arin said, his voice rough. "I need to, um... I need to go to the bathroom."

He was walking funny, almost waddling. 

Dan didn't pay too much attention.

He lay down along the couch, and he pressed his face into the blanket that Arin had been wrapped up in.

He fell asleep with the scent of Arin on his nose, and it helped, in some way he didn't want to look too closely at.

* * *

He woke up, some hours later, to Arin snoring in the big comfy chair.

"Dude," said Dan, sitting up.

Arin jerked awake, looking guilty.

"Hi," he said, and he smiled, clearly nervous.

"You're awfully worn out," said Dan. He was still... his skin was too tight, his head was pounding, and he was empty, profoundly, terrifyingly empty. 

He wanted nothing so much as for Arin to fuck him until he couldn't walk.

"To be really blunt," Arin said, and he yawned widely, "I've jerked off three times, and my knot popped the last time, so my body wants me to recuperate."

"... what, three times?"

Holy shit.

"I mean, you smell... you smell really good," said Arin, and he cleared his throat. "But we're not fucking, and I don't want us to fuck just yet. So I figure it's just easier to... you know, take care of it. Myself. With my hands." 

"That works," Dan said. "Makes sense. It must be different, from being able to... you know, fuck an Omega in heat whenever you want."

"It wasn't whenever I wanted," Arin said sharply. "An Omega in heat can say no. And I always ask. That's the important part."

"It wasn't like that when I was growing up," Dan murmured, and he rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. "I mean... like, heat induced rape was still considered a minor offense, until about twenty years ago."

"What, really?" Arin looked appalled. 

"Really," said Dan. 

"No wonder you've been so paranoid," Arin said, his voice a bit shaky. 

Dan snorted. 

"Didn't you know about that from, like, Suzy?"

"Suzy was in single digits twenty years ago," Arin said.

"... god, I'm old," Dan groaned, and he pulled the blanket back over his head.

"You're not that old," Arin said, his voice muffled. "But maybe you should go take a proper nap, on the bed?"

"Will you stay with me?" Dan hated how needy he sounded, and he hated how desperate he was.

"Of course," Arin said. "Just, uh... forgive the bathroom breaks."

Dan snickered.

* * *

It was the easiest heat that Dan ever had.

Well, okay, no, tell a lie.

It was immensely unpleasant.

He had to banish Arin from his bedroom a few times, so that he could have another go with his hairbrush, and then he had to jump in the shower, and then Arin was using the bathroom.

The whole apartment smelled like pheromones and shower gel, which wasn't the best combo, but at least it didn't smell like sweat and desperation, which had been the main notes of his last heats.

Arin stayed for three days, until the worst of the heat was over, and Dan's fever was gone.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Arin shot Dan a nervous look, as he packed his stuff back up.

"I'm sure," Dan said. "Go home, sleep in your own bed."

"I'll miss sleeping next to you," Arin said, in a burst of honesty, his face so vulnerable that a bit of Dan's heart hurt. 

"Well, uh... I think I need a few days to myself, but when I'm back to my usual self, we can have another sleepover, we can fuck around, we can do whatever you want."

"What if I wanna dress up like a kangaroo and bounce on your bed?" 

"... if you can find a kangaroo costume in my size, I'll totally wear it," said Dan.

"I'm gonna hold you to that. I hope you realize that," said Arin.

He leaned forward, pressing a nervous kiss to Dan's lips, and then he was off to his car, no doubt to sleep in his own bed and use his own shower.

Dan sighed gustily.

He was glad to finally get some time to himself.

Admittedly, all he was gonna do was lie in bed with Arin's shirt, but Arin didn't need to know that, did he?

* * *

He stroked himself into a nice orgasm, and it was... he was already able to tell the difference between masturbation while in heat, and masturbation while out of it.

Masturbation while in heat was a desperate, messy affair - almost like he was performing a service, like some kind of maintenance tune up. Nothing like this luxurious, hand going up and down his cock, lavishing attention on the head, rolling his balls in one hand....

He came across his stomach, and he might have cried out Arin's name, but there was nobody else in the house, so who was gonna know?

* * *

Two weeks later, Dan smelled like himself again. 

He even felt like himself, which was a minor fucking miracle. 

And he was making eyes at Arin, across the couch. 

“Next time on Game Grumps,” Arin said, not breaking eye contact with Dan, “we find out why Markiplier is king of the squirrels!”

“We do?”

And Arin turned off the motion capture.

“You know, we’ve been going at this for almost four hours,” said Dan, his tone casual. “I think your mouth might need a bit of a break.”

“You think so?” 

“Yeah,” said Dan. “You know, kissing is pretty relaxing.”

“Oh my god, Dan,” Arin groaned, and he covered his face with both hands. “I can’t fucking believe you.”

“You don’t have to believe me,” Dan said, and he grinned cheekily. “You just gotta kiss me. Well, I mean, you don’t gotta kiss me, but -”

Arin kissed him.

Arin kissed him, and the usual frenzied passion wasn’t there, which was a relief. 

Sometimes Dan was afraid that Arin would eat him alive.

But no, this was Arin’s hand on Dan’s cheek, and they were kissing, their fingers tangled in each other’s hair, breathing each other’s breath, nose to nose when they pulled apart.

“Oh,” said Arin, and he licked his lips. “Um.”

“Um?”

“I want to try a thing,” said Arin, and he sounded sheepish. “Like… a sex thing. Could we… maybe try it?”

“You mean here?” Dan glanced around.

“I mean, Suzy and I used to fuck around in the office,” said Arin, and his expression only turned pained for a moment. “Although we’ve gotten a new couch since then.” He laughed, a bit uneasy. “That was… kinda why we got the new couch.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” said Arin. “Anyway, I wanna break this one in.”

“Arin, we’ve had this couch for like… eight months. It has your butt print on it.”

“Well, yeah, okay, but still.” 

“... I don’t know if I’m ready for, like, full on butt sex,” Dan added, clearly nervous. 

“I’m not gonna suggest butt sex here,” Arin said. “What, you think that I keep lube lying around here or something?”

“I don’t know,” Dan said. “You do weird shit.”

“I’m not gonna butt fuck you in the office at five in the evening,” Arin said.

“But you’d do it at some other time?” Dan countered, mainly to be a shit.

Arin made an annoyed noise, and he grabbed Dan by the hips.

He lifted Dan up, and he pulled Dan into his lap, sidesaddle. 

“I wanna make out with you and I wanna touch your dick. Maybe with my dick.”

“... what, like docking?”

“I mean, neither of us has a foreskin, as far as I know,” said Arin. “But, like… you know. Mutual jerk off.” 

“I… would be willing to try that,” Dan allowed.

He’d thought about Arin’s cock, usually with his hand around his own cock.

He hadn’t been too weirded out by it, which had been a surprise. He used to say that he wouldn’t even kiss a guy for a million dollars, and now look where he was. 

Although maybe this was in relation to going off of his suppressants? 

No, he’d been interested in Arin before all of this mess about the suppressants fucking him up.

Dan sighed, and he pressed his forehead against Arin’s, rubbing noses.

“Identity is complicated.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Not to cut into this profound shit,” said Arin, “but how about we distract ourselves with more making out?” 

“I could go for that,” Dan said, his tone agreeable.

“Good to know,” said Arin, and he grinned.

* * * 

They kissed some more.

At some point, Dan brought his leg around, so that he was straddling Arin. He nearly got Arin in the chin with that selfsame knee, but then Arin was humping against his ass, and he was humping against Arin’s stomach, and nothing else mattered, because oh, that was as close to heaven as Dan had been in a good long time.

He was pulling on Arin’s nipples, and Arin was scratching down his back. 

Then Arin’s big hands were pulling Dan’s pants open, and Arin was holding Dan’s cock in his hand, squeezing it, going from the head to the root, gathering more pre, then spreading it along the shaft.

Dan moaned wantonly, barely finding it in himself to be embarrassed - it wasn’t like anyone was actually out and about. 

Arin was big and heavy, and he was solid, as Dan scooted back, pulling Arin’s pajama pants down, shoving Arin’s boxers down, so that Arin’s dick sprang forward.

“It’s girthy,” said Dan, panting open mouthed.

“... thanks?” Arin blinked at him, then burst out laughing.

His dick twitched in Dan’s grip.

“I want to… just, like, press our dicks together,” Arin said, and he suited actions to words, taking both of their cocks together, like some kind of bouquet. 

Or a roll of asparagus.

Dan started giggling.

“You okay? Am I t-tickling you or something?” Arin was moving his hand up and down.

“It’s like asparagus,” Dan managed to gasp out, before he was laughing, his own big hand wrapped around Arin’s, keeping steady as he thrust against Arin’s cock.

It was so hot, and he didn’t know why that surprised him so much. Maybe because the only other dicks he’d touched had been dildos at porn stores, not, like, actual dicks.

But it was hot, velvety, slippery.

Arin made the most amazing noises every time Dan squeezed his hand.

“Asparagus? What, it’s gonna make your piss smell bad or something?” Arin rolled his hips forward, and he was moaning harder, almost groaning in pain. 

“N-no, just… it’s like… you know, when you need to… to chop asparagus, you gotta… use a knife, not a pair of scissors.”

Dan was gabbling. He was gabbling, and he was thrusting, his cock beginning to swell up, his eyes barely opened, glued to Arin’s face.

Arin had the most amazing face as he was pleasured, his mouth falling open, his breath coming in deep, desperate gasps. 

“Please… don’t talk about that while… oh, fuck, Dan, that feels good, holy….”

Arin came first.

He came first, and he came hard, hard enough that Dan got cum on his stomach, almost under his nipple.

Thankfully, Dan had taken his shirt off, or this would have been quite a mess. 

“S-sorry,” Arin mumbled, and he was blushing. “It’s been… it’s been a while.”

“It’s… it’s okay,” Dan mumbled, and he was humping harder, using Arin’s cum as lube.

Arin let go of his own cock, but wrapped his hand around Dan’s. 

He began to jerk Dan off in earnest, and then Dan was cumming as well, right across Arin’s soft belly. 

He slumped to the side, and Arin kept him upright, using one cummy hand. 

“Fuck,” Arin mumbled.

He leaned forward, and he kissed Dan, ignoring the fact that they were both covered in jizz. 

“Thank you,” Dan said, and he nuzzled into Arin’s neck, kissing it. 

He smelled good there - musky, strong. It was enough to give Dan the shivers.

“Thank you,” Arin said. “I… I didn’t realize how badly I needed that.”

“Yeah,” said Dan. “I get that.”

“I’m glad… I’m glad I met you,” Arin said, his tone awkward. “I mean… shit’s been… complicated, but you’re the best part of this whole mess.”

“Oh,” said Dan, and he kissed Arin, because he couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

“Just, could you do me a favor?”

“Yeah?” Dan’s heart was beating very, very fast.

“Don’t ever compare my dick to asparagus again.”

“I make no promises.”


End file.
